A low rumble fills the train as we move towards the next stop. I hate taking the subway; it’s cold, cramped, and uncomfortable. I just got off my shift and was gonna make my weekly trip to the bar. The drivers voice came on, “Next stop, Longwood Avenue.”
“Finally,” I muttered to myself now I could get out of this stinking hell-hole and escape my troubles with sweet, sweet, scotch. I would go to the bar more often but the job doesn’t pay well enough for me to feed myself, get drunk, and pay child support to my gold-digging ex-wife. Unfortunately the night shift of Big Jim’s construction is all I can get. The pay isn’t terrible, and the benefits are good, but I still wish that I could do something else with my life. I walk three blocks down to O’Riely’s pub. The owner isn’t named O’Riely, or even Irish. He’s a white guy from the Bronx around his 50’s, nice guy with some troubles but is always nice enough to lend an ear to people with problems worse than his. I’ve known Bill for 10 years, ever since I got divorced. The pub itself wasn’t that great, it was just close to home. It was dusty, banged-up, and eerily quiet. Fridays are really the only time that this place even looks like a bar and even then the most people I’ve seen in here at once was probably ten or twelve.
“Hey Frank! How ya doin’?” Bill said barely looking up from the bar.
“Same ol’, same ol’,” I said as I made my way to a stool. The musty smell of the bar reminded me of when I would come here with my construction pals to hang out and have a good time. But they’ve got other things to do with their lives now. Better things. “How ‘bout you?” I asked in reply.
“Actually I been pretty good,” Bill said with a slight nod revealing the bald patch in his graying hair. He then began to pick up a dirty mug that was lying on its side on the counter and rinse it out. “Good amount of customers, I passed the health inspection, and the wife been real friendly with me,” he said, a wicked grin spreading on his face to make sure I knew what he meant.
“At least someone is getting some,” I said rolling my eyes. I just stared at the table trying to entertain myself with my finger by making faces with the dust, it didn’t work and now I have a dirty finger.
“Wadda ya want, the usual?” Bill said not even bothering to look at me.
“Yeah sure, can’t think of any thing better,” I said re-attempting to have fun with my fingers, once again I failed. I got my drink and before I took a sip, there was a brutal gust of cold air, as the door opened to reveal another person to the pub.
“Whew, it’s chilly out there,” said a feminine voice behind me. Suddenly the wind didn’t seem to bother me, in fact the room seemed to get five degrees warmer. I stopped doodling with my fingers and sat a little straighter on my stool. Bill looked up to see who came in.
“You’re new around here aren’t you?” he said blandly looking back to the dishes he still needed to wash, he then looked at her to take his mind off the chores of owning this place. “Wadda ya need?”
A brown coat appeared next to me, “This seat taken?” the mystical voice asked.
“No, go right ahead,” I said motioning to the stool.
“Thanks,” she said sitting down, “actually if I could get a rum ’n coke that would be great.”
“I like you already,” Bill said. She chuckled but the sound that reached my ear was an angel’s harp striking wondrous chords in perfect harmonies. “Nothin’ fancy for you just a rum ‘n coke,” Bill resumed and the sound ended. I turned to face the angel that had waltzed in the room merely a minute ago and already seemed to have stolen my heart. I looked on and my gaze fell upon her amber eyes, a blazing light for all that was dark in my life, her smooth brown hair which fell just below her ear seemed it would cushion any blow that would happen to me. Her lips, flames of passion, would bring color and warmth into my dull life. I couldn’t believe my stroke of fate, that the woman of my dreams would appear before me in such a way that I must be dreaming.
“Her drink is on me,” I said still gazing upon the beauty that lay before me.
“Why, thank you,” she said turning towards me and smiling. Her smile brightened her entire face making it ten times the sight it was before. “To what do I owe the honor?”
“Always happy to buy a beautiful woman a drink” I said putting a grin on my own face. I took a sip of my scotch, and turned back to the bar. Her drink arrived and she asked,
“Do I at least get to know the name of the man who’s buying this drink?”
“Depends on if I get to know yours” I replied
“My name is Allison” She said extending her hand
“Mine’s Frank,” I said, shaking her hand, “glad to meet you,” Her hand was warm and soft. It felt nice to hold her hand even if I was just shaking it to say hello. Suddenly her perfume hit me, it smelled kinda outdoorsy. Almost like a fire on pine wood near a lake. Everything about this woman who I‘ve met for all of a second was absolutely perfect; from the feel of her hand to the look of her eye to the smell of her perfume.
“So do you come here a lot?” she asked
“Not too much, once a week, I would probably come more often but because of the job, there just isn’t enough money to go around between this and child support.”
“You got kids?” she said with a quizzical look on her face. I cursed myself for bringing up child support. I hate having to think about my ex-wife.
“Yeah, just one, his name is Charlie, he should be twelve this year.” I said, bringing back memories of losing my kid and my wife saddened my mood a bit, but I tried not to let it show too much.
“Oh,” she half-sighed and her mood dropped about as far as mine had, “I didn’t mean to hit a touchy subject.” she said with a genuinely apologetic face. I guess I didn’t hide it well enough.
“S’ok,” I said looking out the only window just beyond the billiards table. I brushed it off and I was hoping that she would drop it so that we could move on to a happier topic. “By the way what do you do for a living?” I asked attempting to change the subject.
“Umm, I teach at the elementary school just down the way.” She said whilst pointing down the street a few blocks. I followed her finger trying to remember the layout of this area so that I knew which one she meant.
“Oh, ok” I nodded. “I know what you’re talking about. Yeah I’m into construction right now, but I’m always looking for something else to do with my life.” I sorta half-chuckled. “Is that what you wanted to be or just something that you got stuck with?” I asked hoping to show something that we had in common.
“No, when I was a little girl I always dreamed of becoming a veterinarian. I loved animals and I wanted to help them get better if they were sick. But children are giddy fools and usually don’t realize that dreams aren’t always meant to be reality.” She took a big gulp from her drink, and shook her head a bit. “I assume you saw yourself somewhere other than in the construction business?” she asked, staring into her drink, seemingly lost in memories.
“Yeah I actually wanted to be an engineer, I just love taking things apart and putting them back together. Unfortunately I didn’t have enough for the college degree, and they wouldn’t hire me without one so I had to find another line of work.” I said stirring my scotch around. “Hey do you want to see a movie or something sometime?” I asked, my heart pounding in my chest hoping with all of my might that somehow she felt the same about me as I felt for her.
“That sounds fun” She said looking at me with her smile lighting up her face once more. Relief flowed throughout my body as if water was streaming through my veins extinguishing all the fires of trouble. We continued chatting and laughing, I wished that the times could go on like this forever, but time is still for no man. I looked at the clock, when you speak with a beautiful woman, time goes at twice the speed we want it to!
“I’m really sorry but I have to go now.” I said to her with the most regret I’ve had in my life. I downed the rest of my scotch, paid for our drinks, and started to get up. She glanced at the clock, took a double take and said,
“Oh shit, me too” she drank what was left of her drink, grabbed her bag and started walking towards the door. I went to catch up with her.
“In that case can I walk you to your car?” I asked her just being kind.
“Sure, I’m parked like a block or two down” She said as she pulled open the door. The cold embraced us making me wish I was back inside. We walked telling jokes to each other; things were going so well, I couldn’t believe it. But as fast as fortune can give it can take. We were almost to her car when out of the alleyway somebody came with a gun.
“Give me your money,” he demanded pointing the gun straight at us. He held a wild look in his eye and there seemed to be a hunger in his voice. I slowly reached for my wallet. I wasn’t about to lose my life over a few bucks, I could cancel my cards and I never carry that much cash so I was fine. I didn’t realize it at first but I felt a trickle of sweat coming down my brow. My hand suddenly got the jitters as my body finally got the message that my brain had been sending that there was the threat on my life. Allison stood firmly rooted to her position, seemingly calm, not shaking, sweating, or showing any emotion even close to fear.
“I’m gonna call the cops unless you put that gun down.” she stated with a slight shiver in her voice, she was not as she let on. I turned to look at her, completely incredulous at how she could stand up to someone like that, staring down the barrel of death even though she was possibly as afraid as I was.
“I said give me your money, I swear to god I’ll shoot you.” He yelled at her stepping towards her, getting very impatient very fast, I was starting to panic
“Just give it to him Allison,” I whispered to her with every muscle in my body screaming for me to run and my brain working desperately to hold back my urges while hoping that she would listen to me and not do anything stupid. Suddenly Allison made a mad dash for her car; she shoved down the mugger, and tried to open the door to her car. An explosion pierced the night, and I was forced still for months while all of time stopped around me, oh if only time had never resumed, but alas this is not so and as the horrid noise ceased, something new happened. A scream sounded throughout the entirety of the earth, as Allison fell to the ground with a hole in her right leg and another in her back. I was dumbfounded for awhile as I took in the horrible scenery that lay before me. I regained my thoughts and ran for my life.
“Hey come back here!” I heard the man yell after me. I was leaving behind my love but I didn’t think, I just ran with fear overwhelming any sense of self-being giving me the simple instinct run, before the same fate would befall me. I made a sharp turn before the mugger could have a chance to shoot at me. I hoped that his greed would compel him to steal Alison’s bag before going after me. I then cursed myself for even thinking of putting such a horrible fate on her. I soon realized that the chances of her surviving weren’t that great. I tried to remember where she got shot and back to biology class in high school, tried with all of my might to see where she got shot and if she might survive. After zigzagging for five blocks I came upon a bridge. I slowed down a bit to think more clearly. I tried to line up the images in my head, she would definitely need a cast or something for her leg but what about the shot she had in her back. I really focused, remembering exactly where I saw the hole in her back; I remembered the human anatomy lesson and realized that it was right behind her right lung. I knew that with all of the commotion someone would call the cops. I convinced myself that the mugger wasn’t following me anymore and I found my way back to where her car was. I made my way back and saw flashing red and blue lights. There was a police car with the cops talking to someone, probably the person who called it in, and I caught the paramedics zipping up a body bag. My heart ripped and each side fell into one of my feet. I sunk to the ground with the knowledge that my life served no purpose anymore. It seemed that god merely teased me with the thought that my life may have some light, some joy in it, but he pulled it away like a playground bully takes lunches. I crawled into a bottle and decided to stay there. I remember that day as vividly as if it was no more than last night, but now I have lost everything. I sold my house, I emptied out my bank, all so that I could buy myself more alcohol. First scotch, then beer, then the cheapest stuff I could find. I was determined to be drunk as long as I could. Bill kicked me out of his bar, as good a customer as I was, if I was there, I was his only customer because of my smell. I feel all of my energy draining out of my body. I crawled to the nearest alleyway, to sleep though it was almost three o’ clock in the afternoon. Before I slipped off to the world of dreams I realized the sweet irony. This was the same alley that Allison died by.
“What do you make of it John?” Officer Freznik asked his partner, both of them looking at the homeless man who lay motionless in the alley.
“Pfft, he died with a beer bottle in his hand, it’s not much of a mystery, plus his skin has got that yellowish tinge to it” Officer Ridden declared pointing to me. “It’s obviously liver failure.”
“Good job, you’re learning fast. I hate touching dead people, but let’s see if we can’t find out who this guy was.” Freznik said with some disgust in his voice. They searched through all of my pockets and pulled them all inside out.
“I found a wallet” Officer Ridden said pulling it out of my coat. “It’s got a dollar, and a faded driver’s license. This guy’s name was Frank Richardson” He tossed the wallet away and pocketed the dollar.
“Great lets report back to the station and go home” Officer Freznik said as he started walking back towards the car. Officer Ridden followed him and looked forward to his wife’s hamburgers waiting for him at home.
to the zine
